The Pretender

A nOrMal DaiLy LifE

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Suppose to be studying now but..

Today i have read one sad blog entry after another and i just had to put one entry in my own as well. Okay, I have nothing sad to say except the fact that Ms Ting is meeting my mom tomorrow about my results.

Today, one teacher had said something that made me suddenly feel that 'purpose' is just another word in the dictionary. During GP lecture, the comment that machines are designed for a purpose and we humans are machines too - a jumble of mass molecules, and if we do not have a creator, then do we even have a purpose?
I am not going to debate about the issue of God's existence, to each it's own. God exists in different ways to everyone. To me, God is symbol of Hope, take hope away and what we have left is death. No hope of a better tomorrow, no hope in what we are doing and no hope of success. Therefore, no hope = the beginning of the end. End of what? You answer that.

Memories. Ah, how that word can evoke the different emotions in all of us. To some it brings up the sadness of past situations, to others it is the happiness that we may never experience again. And to certain others, memories are just something that you read in books. =)
I am the middle one, the one that look back on the past but not for it's horrible moments, but the moments of happiness, foolishness and innocence that we all have once experienced before. And i have been doing a lot of that lately, I have been wondering, who am i really, do i even know myself anymore?
The foolish beliefs of primary school are still fresh in my mind as though it was just yesterday where someone had told me "never walk over a bag, it will mean that you will have bad luck, if you want to remove it, you would have to walk over it again." haha, I remember jumping back and forth bags in school last time hoping that I will not be cursed. And sometimes, I still do it, even now, why? Because it is fun to do something that was once part of you, to relive the past and to just enjoy the moment. Naturally, everyone else will be look upon you as a nutcase that should be shipped to the mental institution immediately. Well, if it is a mental illness to relive the past, so be it.

My fondest memories was those in Secondary school, my eyes are tearing up just talking about it. I am a sentimental freak, and happy to be one.
Those were the best times of my life, because it was there that i found my best friends, my true friends who , even though they judge me still accepted me for who I was.
I loved the hours spent in the art gallery. The paint we splashed all over ourselves. The ant hill that char made ^^!!. And i even miss playing in the rain. I still remember the birds we found and buried.
I really have no idea what to say. I feel like I have lost the part of me that existed in Secondary school, i have become too practical, to stupid. People say you grow wiser as you grow older. Well i sure as hell feel less wise.

Children are the wisest people on Earth.
Why?
Because they live life to the fullest. They do not judge others, and they are happy. If only we could all be like them again. Laugh over the simplest things in life. Too bad for us, reality beckons.

Reality. One of the hardest words to live with. A world where money is our main objective, where friendships are formed based on status. Where the rich and the poor never mix together. I would like to heard a rich person say that money does not matter. And I would like to see them donate ALL their money to a charity, and earn just a few hundred a month. No, money has become a major part our lives. Money is our life. We live for it, and funniest part is that, in death, money is no longer significant. Money, is just paper. We treasure it so much because we believe in it. If people did not believe in it, money would just be paper, the same type of paper we can use to wipe our asses after we have shit.

Oh how we call ourselves an advance society. If only monkeys could talk they would be criticizing and laughing at us. Man may be the most superior species on Earth, but Man sure all hell is the dumbest one too. Man is the dumbest smart creature to ever walk the earth. Imagine, our whole life we want to work towards happiness, but what we don’t realize is that we are actually working away from it. IF we just burned everything up, just burn it all and go back to eating bananas and living in the wild trying to survive, we would be happy. After all we won’t miss what we never knew we had or were too dumb to know. No more fighting over pieces paper, no more using that as a form of classification of species. Bottom-line, if you are a human, then you belong in our species.

Brave New World, have your ever read it? A world where people are mass produced, never age and just die 60 yrs after they were created, do not fight, people are classed into different classes but no one ever envy the other because there are all conditioned that way.
People say it is a dystopia disguised as a utopia.
I say, it IS a Utopia.
We are happy, why bother about the quality of happiness.
The only reason we bother so much about it is because we know how that there is greater happiness, but people there do not, they are happy, sure the quality of their happiness is lower but still, happiness is happiness.
I want to live there, everyone is happy, and at least I am conditioned not to be envious and just be happy doing what I am doing.
After all, the quality of happiness we are experiencing in current times maybe greatly lower than that of he prehistoric cavemen. So I don’t see people complaining of going back to those days. Hell, as long as I am happy always, that is fine by me, why live in this limbo of being sad and wanting happiness but not wanting to go forward because the world ahead(like the society in Brave New World) may be a dystopia and the world before(Cavemen times) as too horrible for us to live in.
We are all so fussy.
It is no wonder we end up killing ourselves.

If terrorism does not tell us how flawed our way of living is, I really don’t know what will. Do we wait till we destroy everything before realizing it or are we just to afraid to accept what is happening?

People have their reasons for doing what they do.
Animals kill animals too.
But I just feel that for an advance society, we sure aren’t anymore advance or smarter than dinosaurs.

Ok, there is Econs to study for.
Bleah, back to reality (one that I am not all that eager to face)
But don’t get me wrong, just because I do not wish to face reality does not mean that I will not face reality.
I am no fool you know.
I know that it is the survival of the fittest, it is either you kill or get killed.
A little to extreme for you?
Well time to wake up from your beauty sleep honeys, that is Life!

P.S:
If you were stuck in a house with 3 strangers and snow is everywhere and there is no way for you to go because it would be impossible to survival under the extreme weather that is on the outside, the food in the house can only last for 4 days, 5 at most and help will only come 1mth later.
What would you do?

Well, my reply would be that I will kill the strangers. Even if I do no eat them, I will kill them so that they will not kill me. Imagine living in fear of who is going to stab you in the back, literally. I think it would be a horrible experience. Meat is meat at the end of the day and if you show weakness to you opponents/anyone it would be the best place to get attack by them.


A Lizard taught me this:
We are afraid of what we do not know and what we cannot control. But when we are able to control something at least even slightly, we gain confidence. It is not whether a matter is small or big but whether we can control it. Probably that is why I fear death, because I do not know what will happen after that.

-RA- tired and STILL have to study for econs.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

HEY HEY HEY!!!

I went out with my nigger MoRi3 today!! She invited me and her pals to go to her country club to play badminton, tennis and pool!!! Had LOADS of fun.
First, we went to... Chua Chu Kang MRT to meet.
We were suppose to catch the shuttle bus there but we missed it. So we decided on a cab, Stupid Barot said he only knew how to skate a little. Dang, if i knew how to skate that "little" i'd be real happy. He could do an ollie and some other tricks.
Anyway, we there went to catch a cab.
While waiting to get a cab i kinda stop e flow of traffic twice! YikeS!
Haha, first was when me and candice were crossing and we did not realise it was a place for cars to turn in and we just stood there for Jeremy and Mamid to walk faster. Guys walk real slow and change real slow to. But i will get to that later. Anyway this trunk wanted to turn in and i was standing in the way. heehee.. "SORRY UNCLE!!"
The next time was when i wanted to flag down a taxi and guess what? I did not realise i was standing in the center of a zebra crossing. What happened was that i just stood there trying to flag down the taxi that was behind this car but the car was not moving so i was kinda puzzled. Later then i realise the driver in the first car was waiting for me to cross e road. ^^!! Talk about being dumb. LOL. Well, did not manage to get that cab. But there is a whole new meaning to "stopping traffic" to me now.^^

Candice treated us to lunch. Oh, i have not said who the us was right? Well, the us is Candice, Jeremy, Mamid and I. The fish and chips was not exactly what you would call appetizing. To Jeremy: " I resent the comment that girls do not finish their food. And even if that is so, why would they give you their food?? "
Went to play badminton later on. But it was for half and hour only, and i made a fool out of myself. Oh well.
It was raining while we were playing badminton but by the time we were done the rain had stoped, we started rolling the courts dry with the heavy rollers carrying em back and forth, real tiring! Take a look!
That is Barot rolling the courts

Then this is Candice and Singh

This is (from left to right) Barot, Candice and Singh
That was really tiring, but when we were almost done drying the courts it started to drizzle a little. And before anyone condems me of being a slacker i did roll e courts too. I just stopped to take a few picts. ^^
Marlon came after we had just started playing. The guys had hit the balls really hard and it went flying to the trees. LOL. Marlon apparently did not know how to play tennis, but he could play, and i am sure he would be much better if e courts and balls were not soaked. Well, eventhough we were playing in the rain, I had a real fun time. Have not played tennis and badminton in a loooong time though i did just played basketball yesterday! hahaha..

We then went to change in the changing room. Me and candice were busy combin hair, drying it, changing, and chit chatting. When we finally decided to come out cos we thought the guys would be waiting for us already, guess what? they were still inside the toilet and remained there for another 10-15mins. Talk about guys taking a long time. Sesh, apparently they were using the hairdriers to blow they socks, shoes and etc etc. LOL, a bunch of cute fellas, blow dry their shoes. Just imagine, along the basins having shoes and socks with hairdriers on em. LMAO! ME and Candice thought they were having a quicky in there or a gang rape. LOL, but they took a little too long for it to be a quicky so must have been a gang rape.

Anyway while waiting me and candice skated!!! Well, tried to skate... check it out!



We then went to play pool!!!!

*gone to play cards with autie remy, continue later*

*back!!!*

Where was I? Right, went to play pool. had to take turns or else they would charge 5.25 bucks per guest - entrance fee, really ex!!! Barot and Marlon were really good, while me and candice were kinda anyhow hitting e balls ard. LOL. Singh was ok, quite good too. While playing pool we started talking about Johny Knoxville and Bam Megera, Jackass, Viva La Bam and Russell (sp?) Peters. All the imitations started to jump out of nowhere. Lets see whether i have any picts to upload...

Ok, here is barot playing pool.

Then this is Singh

Somehow i did not manage to get a picture of Marlon at all. ^^!!??
And this is Candice and I sitting watching them play while waiting out turns.


Anyway sucked at pool too and everything was fun and all. After that had to rush to NTUC at parkway. haha.. and here i am now uploading picts to my blog and blogging.

All in all, it was a really fun time! Hope i can get to play again. Hint hint to MoRi3.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

New Background. New Tagboard. Now, hopefully, it is a new beginning. All the past will be tightly packed up and time to start with a fresh head. A Levels this year. No time for shit already. (hopefully i can convince myself of that)

LnC is gonna have it's Season 2 on DVD!! NO idea when but, yea! they have started the fliming for e extras.

Well then, Ciao!!

P.S: is In case you did not know. ;)